Kepulangan balik~

Semalam baru sahaja sampai ke tanah air. Teringat antara perkara yang tak boleh blah saya lakukan ketika dalam flight JFK ke Hong Kong tergelak sakan apabila menonton movie sampai terlanggar org yg duduk di sebelah saye, iaitu lelaki cina yang agak berumur dan kurus. Perkara yang tak boleh blah/cannot go ialah apabila saye tidur di dalam flight kepala saya tend to bend to my right. Guess what? Kepala saye mereng sampai terkena bahu lelaki tersebut. Bila tersedar it's already too late, what I could do at that time was to apologize -__-" Saya rase kepala saya mereng sgt2 ke kanan disebabkan di sebelah kiri saye ade tingkap therefore it was colder and a bit uncomfortable. The same thing happenned in HK-KL flight kepala saya mereng ke kanan in spite of Insyirah ade di sebelah kiri, dan orang itu lelaki berumur tetapi agak gempal sikit; kali ni nasib baik saye sedar awal sikit..huhu. I have to be more careful in the future -___-".
p/s: bersyukur flight lancar dan duduk sebelah orang yang baik siap offer kuih tat lagi :)

Post from facebook August 11, 2010. I think this is the best post I wrote so far..lol

Memandangkan esok hari first puasa, saya sepatutnya celebrate ramadhan sekurang-kurangnya dengan mendengar ayat-ayat suci Al-Quran dan zikir munajat meskipun saya uzur, tetapi saya melayani anime Bleach. O.k lah lepas ni saya akan start celebrate Ramadhan. Lagi lapan hari saje lagi nak puasa kat Malaysia :D. I can't wait.. Ya Allah panjangkan lah umurku semoga aku dapat merasakan Ramadhan di kampung halamanku.

Esok hari pertama puasa menandakan bermulanya Ramadhan tetapi fikiran dan jiwa ini diganggu oleh lumrah perasaan. Tiba-tiba hari ini saya terdengar nama orang yang benci saya, saya pun benci dia; sejak hari itu dialah orang yang paling saya benci sampai terdengarkan namanya hati saya bergetar, takut, sedih, dan putus asa apatah lagi melihat wajahnya. Saya sedaya upaya menjauhi daripada dilihat dan melihat dia.. saya rasa saya perlu pergi lebih jauh lagi..tinggalkan perasaan ini. Ya Allah berilah kekuatan..kenapa kebencian ini muncul juga di bulan mulia ini. Mampukah aku memaafkan, hati ini milik Engkau hidupku ini juga untuk Engkau.. akan kucuba sedaya upaya kukumpul segala kekuatan.

Sudah lama dilanda derita, "monsoon" lah orang pertama yang dapat merawat jiwa. Just because he mentioned the monsoon word once, I decided to call him monsoon..but we didn't have any real conversation. I don't have to look at him to be happy, as long I can feel his presence I'll be happy :). Even monsoon don't know that I call him as monsoon. Apparently, monsoon will only come once in my life, and I always waste it by avoiding him and not making real conversation. I don't want him to leave but he doesn't know that I don't want him to leave. He will go anyways..and I'll tell myself not droning on his leaving later.

Thank you for sending him Ya Rabb eventhough I know this will not be forever..

Semoga Ramadhan jadi pengubat luka, mendekatkan diri pada yang Esa. Panjangkan umurku sehingga dapat kutunai Rukun Islam kelima, ingin ku berdoa di sana agar kau kan temukanku sebaik-baik jodoh, hanya engkau sajalah yang tau yang terbaik untukku. Temukan aku dengan si Dia yang membimbing jalan ke syurga dan yang berbakti kepada ibu dan bapa.. Amin Ya Rabbal alamin.

Hari Putus Asa..

Hari ini saye dgn gigihnya bangun semula pada pukul 8.40 a.m untuk pergi ke lab to dilute my overnight culture and loading it into reverse assay tubes and in the evening I have to take the RLU readings; RLU stands for Relative Light Units and do seven dilutions for each tubes (total 63 tubes) and plate the solution to test the viability of bacteria in each samples. Disebabkan malas menunggu bas, saya berjalan kaki ke building 8. Untuk pergi ke building 8, saya harus melalui Grace Watson, SAU and library; tetapi laluan di kawasan-kawasan ini ditutup disebabkan construction. Saye berjaye masuk building Grace Watson tetapi terpakse melalui jalan hutan yang akhirnye tembus di kawasan SAU. SAU sebenarnye sangat dkt dengan building 8; pun begitu disebabkan kawasan construction yang besar di hadapan building 8, saya tidak boleh terus cross to building 8. Saya kemudian dengan langkah seorang detektif masuk ke dalam bangunan SAU melalui pintu belakang, di mana saya rasa kakitangan SAU masuk; kalau lalu dari depan SAU tidaklah saya dapat masuk ke dalam bangunan tersebut, jika saya sudah lalu pintu hadapan tidaklah dapat saya melompat ke belakang dari jambatan yang amat tinggi; jika lompat juga maka patahlah tulang belakang saya yang lembut ini. Setelah berjaya menyelusup ke dalam bangunan tersebut, saya keluar dari situ dengan bangganya dan meneruskan perjalanan ke building melalui kawasan library. Sebaik sahaja saya mahu masuk ke building 8, saya ditegur oleh pakcik yang ramah yang berkata, "Hello, good morning young lady. How're you?" dengan agak laju seperti tidak mahu saya mencelah. Arakian,  saya ditanya adakah saya ingin masuk ke dalam building 8, saya berkata ya saya ingin masuk. Tetapi nasib tidak menyebelahi saya hari ini, pakcik itu memberitahu building 8 tidak boleh dimasuki angkara kerja-kerja floor waxing. Insan normal akan menangis terbahak-bahak apabila mendengar perkhabaran buruk itu, tetapi saya tidak merasa begitu kecewa agaknya gembira lalu di kawasan hutan sorang-sorang dan menyelusup ke dalam bangunan. Pun begitu, saya harus balik ke rumah dengan berjalan kaki...ada basikal senang sikit. Arakian, saya meminta diri dahulu tidak sabar rasa hati untuk ke iftar hari ini. Semoga berjumpa kembali di lain waktu..... I like when Yunho color his hair black because it looks so sleek against his porcelain skin. I also like him wearing black..his look is beyond cool.

So random..

Since I'm taking writing class this quarter, I figured blogging might be the best way to practice organizing my thoughts especially in clarifying how I feel in some situations. I don't know if other people feel the same way too but it is somehow hard for me to explain my feelings in words when my thoughts are disorganized and scattered. It happened a lot of time when people asking for clarification why I acted strange lately, I just couldn't tell why and also couldn't tell the feelings associated with the change of my behavior.

I got the inspiration to write when I woke up this morning, and the first thought that came across my mind; I think I am being surrounded with people who don't really like me. How suffering was that when the negative thought was the first thing that came into your mind, which might affect your whole day. I don't know if I should blame on hormone changes that intensify this feeling/thought, but at the back of my head there's always a voice keep telling me this might be true.

For most of us pinpointing everyone else's weakness is easy. For example, I could pinpoint somebody's weakness is her tendency to act based on "suspiciousness" (sorry, I couldn't think of better term this morning) and her harsh accusation could certainly  hurt innocent people who haven't adapt to her attitude daring attitude. Besides that, somebody's weakness that I could pinpoint is her lack of time appreciation (I wish I could come with better words) that sometimes affect somebody else's schedule who appreciate their time more; this is not only my schedule that I am talking about. In addition to that, there is also somebody else's weakness that I could pinpoint is his tendency to give up on something which also sometimes affect the people he worked with.

How's it feel when somebody tell your weakness? Do you feel angry?betrayed?..do you feel terrible because your attitude affecting everyone else?.. or are you resistant towards any criticism given to you? The point is we always have something that we hate in somebody, but is it o.k to hate people for who they are? The answer is up to you. But for me, it is not o.k to hate people just because they not good at something.

Talking about somebody else's weakness, I also have accumulated my own weaknesses which might be the reasons people don't like me. Some of the reasons I figured from somebody else who I think might or might not hate me actually. I think the reason people don't like me because I have low energy level who might not fun to have around. Besides that, they also told me I don't care about what everyone think and feel about me; well I actually care about people around me, it's just I don't want to show I really care about you ;P I don't know if there anybody think the same too, but I think I like to brag and sometimes I can be quite blunt. 

For the mistakes I've ever done to all of you that make you hate me, I apologize.