Since I'm taking writing class this quarter, I figured blogging might be the best way to practice organizing my thoughts especially in clarifying how I feel in some situations. I don't know if other people feel the same way too but it is somehow hard for me to explain my feelings in words when my thoughts are disorganized and scattered. It happened a lot of time when people asking for clarification why I acted strange lately, I just couldn't tell why and also couldn't tell the feelings associated with the change of my behavior.
I got the inspiration to write when I woke up this morning, and the first thought that came across my mind; I think I am being surrounded with people who don't really like me. How suffering was that when the negative thought was the first thing that came into your mind, which might affect your whole day. I don't know if I should blame on hormone changes that intensify this feeling/thought, but at the back of my head there's always a voice keep telling me this might be true.
For most of us pinpointing everyone else's weakness is easy. For example, I could pinpoint somebody's weakness is her tendency to act based on "suspiciousness" (sorry, I couldn't think of better term this morning) and her harsh accusation could certainly hurt innocent people who haven't adapt to her attitude daring attitude. Besides that, somebody's weakness that I could pinpoint is her lack of time appreciation (I wish I could come with better words) that sometimes affect somebody else's schedule who appreciate their time more; this is not only my schedule that I am talking about. In addition to that, there is also somebody else's weakness that I could pinpoint is his tendency to give up on something which also sometimes affect the people he worked with.
How's it feel when somebody tell your weakness? Do you feel angry?betrayed?..do you feel terrible because your attitude affecting everyone else?.. or are you resistant towards any criticism given to you? The point is we always have something that we hate in somebody, but is it o.k to hate people for who they are? The answer is up to you. But for me, it is not o.k to hate people just because they not good at something.
Talking about somebody else's weakness, I also have accumulated my own weaknesses which might be the reasons people don't like me. Some of the reasons I figured from somebody else who I think might or might not hate me actually. I think the reason people don't like me because I have low energy level who might not fun to have around. Besides that, they also told me I don't care about what everyone think and feel about me; well I actually care about people around me, it's just I don't want to show I really care about you ;P I don't know if there anybody think the same too, but I think I like to brag and sometimes I can be quite blunt.
For the mistakes I've ever done to all of you that make you hate me, I apologize.